I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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