I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
