Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
