you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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