So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
