he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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