you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
