you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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