I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
