just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
