Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
