I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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