So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
