i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
