I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
