i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
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Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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