I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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