how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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