so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?