Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
