Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.