She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory