I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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