Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.