You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.