apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
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You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle