I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.