Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.