I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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