shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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