I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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