I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
