Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
