I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
