Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
