I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
