i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
