i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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