I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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