So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
