I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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