I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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