i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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