Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
