what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How does it feel to date your dad?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
