i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My liver just had a heart attack.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
