I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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