apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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