fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
