Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
