She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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