He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
