Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
