he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
