she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
