dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
