When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
