seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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