I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
