there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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