TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
