I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
