There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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