My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize