dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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