You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
