I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
NoShamevember. You game?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
