I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
