weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
