She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
